24th June 2008 will be the date that I’ll remember forever.
It has been 18days since Ma left me and the whole world.
She was only 52 years old but as everybody knows that death will come to anybody at anytime and anywhere.
Since that day,I am not being the ‘Yatie’ that everybody used to know.
It is difficult to even to start smiling again thus it is also hard to even make a fake laughter.
I have been struggling to put myself together again and I’ve to admit that it was not easy at all.
It was easy for the others to keep saying that I have to be patient, I have to be strong, I have to accept this as God’s will, I must accept this fate with open heart but trust me when I’m saying this: “it was damn hard to do it!”
However as life must go on no matter what happen,I began to slowly recover and I really hope that I’ll be back to the old ‘Yatie’ soon.
I arrived home on 26th June at midnite.My brother and my uncle pick me up at the airport.
The first thing that I did when I reached home is hugged abah and crying on his shoulder.
Then I saw my aunt’s face which shows that she’s in great sorrow for losing her eldest sister.
I could see that all of my brothers eyes were full of tears as well and the most saddest face was my little sister’s face.
She’s just standing in front of the door looking at me hopelessly.
I was home for 10days.I’m glad hat I went home as I’ll be dead if I stayed in Madrid during those hard time.
At least,when I’m home, I could share my pain and sadness with the rest of my family members who truly understands me.
I couldnt even enter the kitchen during the first 3days that I’m home as there were so much memories with ma in the kitchen.
It was the place where she teach me how to cooks, where she jokes with me, where she tells me
what’s going on with her life on that particular day and it is a also the place where she advised me which guy that I should choose as my future husband!
And during those 10 days these are the words from my family members that kills me the most when I listened to:
Abah: “Bulan ni cukup 33tahun abah hidup dgn ma.Hubungan anak2 dgn ma memang rapat sebab hubungan darah daging tp hbgn abah dgn ma ialah hubungan hati”
and I know that he couldnt sleep since ma left him.
Kak Nur: “Nasib baik Kak Nur ikut cakap ma hari tu.Patutla ma insist Kak Nur stay kat umah sblm g NZ” and she knows that she’ve made the right choice to stay home for about 2months before leaving to New Zealand last year.
Abe De: “Perangai ti macam ma,Abe de tengok ti cukuplah” and he glanced at me with a really sad looks.
Pein: “Ein nak tunjuk kad pegawai ko ma“,he just got new job and he promised to give ma rm500 each month from his new salary and he never had the chance to do so.
Epit: “Pit sokmo degil ko ma” and now he wanted to finish painting the house as it was what ma wanted him to accomplished before my wedding.
Eji: “Ma nak minum air nyor,eji g beli tp ma x sempat minum“, he is the one who’s been taking care of ma’s need when she’s sick and he’s the only one who was with ma until her last breath.
Asul: “Asul dapat 7A IB,nak tunjuk ko ma tapi..“,he’s going to sit for PMR this year and that is his best achievement so far and he wanted to show the marks to ma and he told us to make it as a secret until he showed the report card to her himself…unfortunately he never had a chance to do so
and until now he never did showed the report card to anybody.
Alin: She’s speechless,she barely talks,she doesnt really said anything about ma,but everybody knows that wehenever anyone was talking about ma,she’ll started crying.
When I sleep with her, I could hear her calling “ma…ma”.
Makcik: She’s losing her best advisor as ma is the one who solves her problems and ma is the one she called when she’s bored.
Ayahcik: He couldnt really stay at home during afternoon as it is the time that he always spent at home with ma.
Me: there’s so much memories of her in my mind that will never vanishes with time.One week before she left me,she was talking on the phone for about half an hour with me and before she hanged up she said:”Ma dah bagi didikan agama yg cukup utk anak2 ma.Pandai2 la pilih yg mana baik & buruk”
Don't get me wrong when u read this as I don't mean to ask for any sympathy.
I’ll be strong like ma,I’ll never shows my weakness to the others jut like ma.
This is just a way for me to express the things lingering in my head and this is the best place for me to ensure that anyone who reads this will treasure ur mum when she’s still alive!