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Tuesday, 9 November 2010

Up and down of being a perasan chomeyl mommy

For a young (*muda ke?*) mother, motherhood is like the two sides of a coin - while you have the joys and the bliss of being around your child, the difficulties and the stress associated with it, cannot be ruled out as well. I know it's not easy to be a mom, but all this while it wasn't that difficult and I can still cope with all the pressure. But since these past few days I have been in a state where I found it very hard to deal with it and to some extent, I acted like I couldn't take the pressure anymore and last night, I burst out and explode!.

Baby SN is being very cranky and grumpy for the past few days for the reason of I don't know why. Like, seriously grumpy and he's been acting freakishly insensible. Sikit2 nak nangis, sikit2 nak merajuk. He would cry over simple things like :-
(i) The chopsticks he was holding fell on the floor --> nangis beria2 tapi malas nak ambik sendiri
(ii) Mommy took a little sweet time to read him his book (because mommy was busy cooking before finally get settled to read his book) --> campak buku dan nangis sampai meleleh hingus
(iii) Daddy took away the pillow that he was holding (because Daddy wants him to put his soaked disposable diapers into the dustbin) --> nangis sambil tunjuk perasaan
(iv) Woke up in the middle of his night sleep and found out that mommy was not sleeping by his side (because mommy is in the toilet, doing some important 'business') --> nangis macam kena dera walaupun Daddy dah beria-ria pujuk dan dukung keliling rumah.

Each and every time he cried, he took it way too seriously that he ends up losing his voice as the consequence of the long and loud outcry. At first, I can still be tolerate with the cries and I will put some efforts to hugs him, and soothe him. His daddy seems to be a little bit annoyed with his manja + super mengada2 behavior and daddy try his best to stop him from being the crying monster.

Tapi bila tengok daddy marah2 dia, I feel like it tearing my heart so damn hard that I actually shed some tears while daddy was scolding baby SN. I tahu yang Daddy dia tak nak baby SN manja sangat sebab dia anak lelaki sulung. But, I'm being a typical mom yang tak boleh tengok orang lain marah anak yang di kandung penuh kasih sayang selama 9 bulan, walaupun orang yang marah tu ialah Daddy dia sendiri...sigh~.

So,each time Daddy marah2 baby SN I keep reminding his Daddy on the asas pendidikan mengikut Islam mengikut peringkat umur :-
• 0-7 tahun- main ngan anak,
• 7-14 tahun- tegas dengan anak,marah dan pukul bila perlu
• 14-21 tahun- jadi kawan dan pendengar

But I guess it doesn't mean that dalam umur 0-7 tahun ni, parents tak boleh marah anak. I mean, when they are doing the wrong thing, than they should be remind and scolded right?. Kalau tunggu dah besar baru nak marah2 dan tegur, it might wont work on him anymore because he is not used to the situation of di tegur, kan?

Plus, I learn from the Montessori talk that peringkat umur 0-3tahun ialah umur yang paling sesuai untuk ajar konsep disiplin kepada anak2. Selepas umur 3 tahun, kajian mendapati agak sukar untuk memupuk disiplin dalam diri anak2. Sebab itu di galakkan parents untuk tunjukkan perbuatan2 yang baik berulangkali kepada anak2 kecil ini supaya mereka dapat ingat contoh teladan yang baik.

So I decided to let his Daddy do the talking and scolding part while I took the role to be the sweetest mommy he ever had,i.e. to be patient and always there to comfort him whenever his Daddy was being harsh on him. But apparently last night, he has got on my nerve because he keep crying for every hour on the middle of the night. Dang..gosh!

I'm super exhausted, all I need is a good night sleep but all baby SN was doing were crying, weeping, sobbing and bawling out loud. I know that he's not sick or being afraid of something. He just feels like crying and crying out loud even when I'm breastfeeding him. I couldn't take it anymore, so I burst out and scolded baby SN in the middle of the night that I actually woke his Daddy from his rejuvenating sleep. Normally, I will comfort him and if the crying wouldn't stop, I will just play him his Baby Einstein DVD because that will surely makes him stop crying immediately. But last night I am not being so normal that I didn't want to be bothered to take any effort to comfort him but just being harsh on him.

After scolding him, I totally ignores him and I try as hard as I could to go back to my sleeping beauty sleep and let his Daddy calm him. Surprisingly, it didn't take long for baby SN to stop crying and go back to his sleep...and amazingly he fell into his baby sleep and didn't even woke up after the event of being scolded by mommy.

These has also made me realize that before this I'm being a little bit annoyed with a mom who did nothing to stop his child from crying. Now I understand that sometimes, the best thing to do is just ignore it and acted like nothing happened just to make the kids realize that the crying wont lead him to anywhere.

When he woke up this morning, I feel a slight pang of guilty for not being able to control myself as a mommy to a 1 year 5 months old baby. I should have realize that he was still so small to understand things that are going around him (~like mommy and daddy is tired, but I don't give a damn care, I just want them to play with me). All he want is to have my full attention glued to him; and that clearly explain the whole situation of him being so cranky and grumpy.

=- this is him this morning on the way to his nursery, with his innocent face trying to figure out how to do the fingers for a 'peace' sign -=

This new experience of dealing with "baby SN-being-not-as-nice-as-he-used-to-be-when-he-was-small-baby" has made me realize that I have to prepare myself for a bigger episode of "baby SN-being-not-as-nice-as-he-used-to-be-when-he-was-small-baby". Deep down in my heart, I know I should prepare myself to act wisely as baby SN is about to enter the golden age of |"throwing a tantrum"|...or do you think that baby SN has actually put one of his feet into that "throwing a tantrum age?".

Erm, I wonder how other moms deal with this situation. Please share your experience with me so that I wont be acting like a crazy monster if ever baby SN decided to put another 'test' on mommy's mild, lenient and tolerance nerve tonight.

Pssssttt : is it just me or other mom pun akan naik angin like me when dealing with this kind of situation?

29 words of wisdom & comments:

umi nuha said...

dun worry my dear...being a mom is just as same as a student...we are in learning process till our child become adult..even after...kita akan sentiasa belajar dr pengalaman dan kesilapan yg kita buat

Ummu Sofea said...

Memang kadang2 kala, geram juga. Jadi hulk la sat.. Tapi, rasanya mungkin itu perubahan stage anak. Setiap hari, minggu dan bulan, anak-anak akan mengalami proses pembelajaran dan peningkatan "taraf hidup" :) Jadi, kita sebagai ibu ni kena la sabar dan jadikan ia juga pengalaman utk kita belajar sesuatu yg baru tentang anak kita setiap hari.


isabelle said...

hehe.kalo dah geram, i pun lepuk je.errrr atau adakah itu tanda2 dia jeles akan ada org baru?

Anonymous said...

a clear sign of tantrum stage bermula.. angin mengada2 sudah mai... no worries, its just a phase. yg penting is understanding, displin & be persistent. :D

try get the book pasal handling tantrum (The Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful, and Cooperative One- to Four-Year-Old: Revised Edition, by Dr Karp), It helped me a lot.

bab educating, jgnlah risau....janji kita do try to provide the best and ikut glenn doman, otak budak is a super sensitive sponge dari lahir til age 6. so in this 6yrs you can teach them a lot walaupun tak sedar or tak guna proper syllabus or discipline.

so yg penting now, kita kena ingat yg anak tu cermin kita. how they are acting is what they learn from us. kalau kita naik hangin bila anak tantrum, dia learn yg its ok to naik hangin gak. :D

Hanz said...

dah nk masuk phase 'terrible twos?' relax..mari kita gelarkan itu phase terrific twos..hehe.. :)

memang kadang2 hilang sabar kan? me pun tengah nak try teknik lain more time-out, counting & punish ways masa hanafi dulu..more to natural ways..
masih dalam pengajian ni babe, belum khatam lagi ni..nanti me share..ekekeke

setakat yg praktikkan la ni, reduce the factor of tantrums & malam2 la ni dok bisik kat telinga hambali kata2 nasihat & baca surah fatihah & 4 kul.. nampak krg sikit tantrum hambali...

atoyis said...

kimi pon dulu macam tu tapi lama2 dia hilang sendiri bila dh masukk 2 thn..jadi mama kena sabar..heheh walaupun selalu hilang sabar..sampai kimi mengandu kat abah .."abah...mama buat"

firahadifa said...

hrmmmm... aku pon cam tu jgak babe , kengkadang tu meletup jugak .. tapi aku da pandai ... dia cry mengada2 hatta jatuh sekali pon aku buat tak paham jer.. aku suruh dia bangun , so now , dia jatuh sikit pon , dia bleh bangun sendiri .. pastu ambik minyak gamat bagi kat aku..hehe

Farah said...

memang stage ni tgh lasak and banyak buat perangai..afif pon kena jugak either cubit atau pukul kat kaki..tgh2 malam kalau die taknak tidor..i tutup lampu sume and tidor je biarkan die main sorang2 dalam cot die..pastu tak lama tu die lena sendiri.

mamanoa said...

alaaa..i pun..terbawak-bawak style mak-tiri tu..i mmg garang, cik somi pun ckp i garang, tp dia tahu i da terbiasa garang sbb cara i dididik alala military ms kecil..

kalu cik somi juz guna suara shj untuk scolded ank,i dgn tgn sumer bukan di tempat yg boleh memeberi kesan yg teruk la..

tp lepas tu,bila anak tgh tdo or i dkat opis i mesti rasa bersalah giler..smpi bleh nangis balik la dgn apa yg i da buat..

Huda said...

same la huda pun gitu gak kadang2 kak..susah nak faham nape mereka nangis x pasal2..biasenye huda akan ignore je, smpi dia dtg sendiri kat kita n wat muka kesian :)


hehehehe....manja, merengek, ntah2 nak dapat adik kot....sowwy ekk akak gurau aje.
masa ami kecik2 dulu pun camtu gak, menangis pada menda yang tak kena mengena, menda kecik2 pun boleh nangis.
penah gak, en. abah puas memujuk, geram sgt, buka almari, letak dia dlm almari, diam le pulak, pelikkan.
kengkadang bebudak ni, saja2 nak menguji kesabaran kita sebagai ibu, sabarrr jelah

Min Aina Ila Aina said...

Sofiy pun masa 1 thn 5 bln dulu mcm tu gak yatie. Nangis ala-ala merajuk kalau terjaga umi takde, pastu offer nenen pun taknak, nangis macam kena dera. Tantrum la pendek katanya.

Saya takde cara spesifik lagi ilmiah nak dikongsi, tapi saya memang pegang watak baik dan pujuk ataupun buat taktau. Tapi kalau cara tu tak jalan (biasanya tak jalan, makin kuat nangis ade la), ayah akan ambil alih. Ayah naik suara tinggi sikit je terus diam. Sekarang kalau dia bising-bising, pastu dengar umi pun bising-bising bebel kat Sofiy, ayah pun datang. Dan-dan Sofiy akan disiplin. hehe.

Oh ye, lupa nak kongsi. Masa Sofiy buat perangai mcm tu dulu, saya ambik alternatif bagi dia minum air penawar pelembut hati keluaran Tom Guru. Campurkan 7-21 titis dalam minuman dan makanan dia dengan diiringi Al-Fatihah, selawat dan niat.Alhamdulillah, nampak perubahan ketara.Nak lebih baik kita baca sendiri pada air (mineral atau zamzam)surah Ar-Rahman ayat 1-5 dan surah Taha 1-28.

p/s: Sofiy dipuji budak paling disiplin,baik dan pengemas di rumah pengasuh.

Min Aina Ila Aina said...

*Tok Guru

@e_da said...

yatie ebtul la.. ida pun tak boleh tgk kalau hubby marah anak.. kdg2 kita plak yg nak nagis.... sampai kdg2 ckp kat dia..kalau nak marah..marah kat sya.. hehehehe punyala feeling...

Nadiah Sidek said...

kdg2 budak mengamuk2/mengada2 sbb nakkan perhatian. mmg blh hilang sabar dibuatnya. ye la, kita pun byk kerja lain lagi nak buat..mana boleh mengadap diorang 24 jam.

mcm safiyyah, kite selalu biarkan aje kalau dia tantrum tak tentu psl. surprisingly, cepat je dia cool down. kalau duk pujuk, lagi dia tunjuk perasaan. itu safiyyah la..nazhan mungkin lain kot caranya

jgn runsing sgt la. bak kata ija's just a phase. mmg budak2 akan alami fasa ni. kita la kena bykkan bersabar. nak marah sgt2 pun bukannya dia faham

e.l.i.z.@ said...

kalu nk ikut peringkat umo tu, meme la gitu cara didik anok gak mana la kita buleh tahan perasaan nok maroh, gere n whatsover tuh..masa tu mano dey nk pk "budok ni kecik lagi ni, xpehe pun kalu aku maroh bla bla bla"..kito maroh je la dulu hhahah..skalo gak lps tgk dio tdo, br mari perasaan nyesal hehe..normal la tu yatie..eli gitu gok :P

CuppyCakeMommy said...

huhuh..mmg geram babe kat ana baya2 camni..i buat dunno pun dia nangis lagi kuat..pujuk pun nangis lagi..sampai i dah tak tahu nak buat apa..poning kepalo den

eRaY said...

huhu rayna pun dah jadi begitu jugak. entering the golden age of tantrum.
eray tried to ignored die mase melalak sakan. tapi tak sampai hati nak biarkan die nanges & tunggeng2 sowang diri.
last2 dukung jugak, tapi properly wut she wants....harap2 masih menjadi lagi style nie.

transformed housewife said...

kalu Nazhan teriok takdok sbb munosaboh, ignore jah hok paling baguhnyo. meme masuk phase "throwing tantrum" doh tu. nanti koho kuat. so hang on there my dear.

yatie chomeyl said...

umi nuha >> ok, belajar dan terus belajar..i'll remember that

Ummu Sofea >> kita sbg ibu pon kena ada peningkatan 'taraf hidup' jugak dgn anak2 eh? orait, i'll keep that in mind :)

isabelle >> tidakkkkkkkkk...belum kot hehe

yatie chomeyl said...

mama miya >> nanti i try cari kat ada jual ke x buku tu, thanks a lot dear ;)

Hanz >> thanks for the tips, nanti nak buat jugak on baby SN

atoyis >> nsb baik baby SN x reti ngadu lg hehe

yatie chomeyl said...

firahadifa >> wah baguss farihin, siap amik minyak gamat kui3x

farah >> kdg2 i dh ttp lampu pon di attp xmo tdo..hohoho

mamanoa >> lawak okeh tang part u ckp style military ala2 mak tiri tu ekekeke

yatie chomeyl said...

huda >> bila dia wta muka kesian, terus rs nyesal sbb marah dia kan3x

mama syaza >> wahaha, ami nangis nak duk dlm almari rupa2nya kui3x

min aina ila aina >> thanks utk perkongsian yg sgt berguna tu...appreciate sgt2 :)

yatie chomeyl said...

@eda>> kannn..bila tgk org lain marah anak kita, sedih giler kan

nadiah >> btol tu, kdg2 leh kdg2 meletup bommmm

eliza >> mujor ado gop hok normal supo ore ngeeeeeeeee :D

yatie chomeyl said...

cuppy cake mommy >> serius kan?? pujuk salah, ignore salah...last2 mommy yg serba salah hohoho

eray >> kalau sede pujuk pon, tetap rayna tak nak jugak eh?

k.nur >> i'll try my best thought it's not that easy huhuhu

Ummu~Ishak said...

selalunya ayah akan marah anak bila anak nangis kuat2/tak berenti2. jarang nak jumpa ayah yg sanggup sabar dan pujuk anak sampai anak tu senyap.

*banyak2 laki yg saya jumpa, hanya abg ipar saya je yg kategori sabar&pujuk anak. abg & adik laki saya sendiri pun tak termasuk kategori tu. susahnya mencari suami idaman, heeee~

a'thiqah said...

… I tahu yang Daddy dia tak nak baby SN manja sangat sebab dia anak lelaki sulung.〜

ehem.. next bile k.ti? :D

Hanis Kamis said...

no worries yatie...each mom ada cara sendiri nak didik anak, go with whic way yang kita confortable..

cuma, kalau dah marah2 anak tu, lepas dia dah reda tantrum tu, dah sengih2 balik,kita sembang2 dgn dia kenapa kita marah, dia kena jadi anak yang baik bla-bla-bla..nasihat+hugs...mmg nmpak mcm ignorance je budak2 kecik nie, tpi they are listening by heart sebenarnya...

sabo2 jela jadi mak budak nie kan? hihi..gitu la gamaknye mak kita jaga kita...huhu...

yatie chomeyl said...

Ummu Ishak >> tu la kan..hubby pun kdg2 sabar, tp kdg2 tak boleh tahan jugak

athiqah >> tungggguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu hehe

Hanis Kamis >> thanks fo rthe tips dear .. tu la bila tgk pernagai anak2, baru fikir mcmana la perangai kita masa kecik2 kan

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