As I'm in the final semester of my study, this past few months have been quite a hectic months for me. Nevertheless I've tried my best to juggle my time accordingly so that I'd still be fair to the responsibilities that I'm carrying as a student + a wife + a mom.
However,it is easier said than done. In this past few months and this coming few weeks, it has been and it's going to be the most critical time of my study where I has to complete journal submission, thesis writing, thesis submission, preparing for presentation in front of 3 panels, public presentation and yada yada yada.
I am a student from 9 a.m - 7 p.m; but once I reached home; I'll took away the 'student-cap' from my head and wears my 'wife-cap' and 'mommy-cap' from 7 p.m - 9 a.m. But for these past few weeks, there are times where I have to spend more time at the university which resulted to less time with my husband and son at nighttime.
As for last night, I arrived home around 11 p.m and it broke my heart when I saw my son has already fell asleep. I'm pretty sure he was waiting for mommy to come home, and in the end he become tired of waiting and fell asleep without mommy lying on his side. Sob sob sob.
+- this is me last night, driving home from univ at 10.30 p.m -+
I may sound ridiculously emotional but it kills me inside for not being able to put my son to bed as it is the time where he enjoy being hug by me; enjoy sleeping on my arm or sometimes under my armpit; reciting doa and few surahs together as well as 'fighting' over who gets to sleep next to daddy.
+- apparently, he get to sleep next to his daddy last night -+
What makes me more sad is that when he suddenly woke up while we just finish performing our Subuh prayer this morning, he opens his eyes and saw me lying next to him; his eyes beam with joys and he flashes sincere smile while saying "Daddy, mommy dah mari"--> his way of saying "daddy, mommy has come home!".
Dang! My heart shattered into million pieces upon listening to that; and then without I even noticed.....there's tears on my pillow. Looks like he was waiting all night for mommy to come home. Then only hubby told me that SN was asking daddy when to fetch mommy at the train station for a couples of times last night. Syahdu lagi hati mommy bila mendengarnya uwaaaaaa.
After I'm saying sorry to him for couple of time.....SN quickly leave his bed, push away all the pillows around me; and put his head on my arm and ask me to hug him. While he was doing so, I promised myself that this 'coming home late at night' thingy won't be too long for him to experienced.
I promised myself to work harder and faster during the 9a.m - 7p.m time period and won't sacrifice the time period that I was supposed to spend with him. I promise u my son that all these will be over soon, it's just another few weeks to go and then this will all be over.
Yes, this I promise you!.
"I love you so much my son, in a way that I could never love another, not even my own life".
Pssssttt : klu bapak2 yg blk lewat dr univ/workplace, perasaan bersalah kat anak tak sama dengan apa yg mak2 rasa, kan kan kan? Eh ke sama jugak syahdunya? Eh ke mak buyong ni je yg over-emotional?
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