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Tuesday, 10 July 2012

This I promise you



As I'm in the final semester of my study, this past few months have been quite a hectic months for me. Nevertheless I've tried my best to juggle my time accordingly so that I'd still be fair to the responsibilities that I'm carrying as a student + a wife + a mom.


However,it is easier said than done. In this past few months and this coming few weeks, it has been and it's going to be the most critical time of my study where I has to complete journal submission, thesis writing, thesis submission, preparing for presentation in front of 3 panels, public presentation and yada yada yada.


I am a student from 9 a.m - 7 p.m; but once I reached home; I'll took away the 'student-cap' from my head and wears my 'wife-cap' and 'mommy-cap' from 7 p.m - 9 a.m. But for these past few weeks, there are times where I have to spend more time at the university which resulted to less time with my husband and son at nighttime.


As for last night, I arrived home around 11 p.m and it broke my heart when I saw my son has already fell asleep. I'm pretty sure he was waiting for mommy to come home, and in the end he become tired of waiting and fell asleep without mommy lying on his side. Sob sob sob.

+- this is me last night, driving home from univ at 10.30 p.m -+


I may sound ridiculously emotional but it kills me inside for not being able to put my son to bed as it is the time where he enjoy being hug by me; enjoy sleeping on my arm or sometimes under my armpit; reciting doa and few surahs together as well as 'fighting' over who gets to sleep next to daddy.

+- apparently, he get to sleep next to his daddy last night -+


What makes me more sad is that when he suddenly woke up while we just finish performing our Subuh prayer this morning, he opens his eyes and saw me lying next to him; his eyes beam with joys and he flashes sincere smile while saying "Daddy, mommy dah mari"--> his way of saying "daddy, mommy has come home!".


Dang! My heart shattered into million pieces upon listening to that; and then without I even noticed.....there's tears on my pillow. Looks like he was waiting all night for mommy  to come home. Then only hubby told me that SN was asking daddy when to fetch mommy at the train station for a couples of times last night. Syahdu lagi hati mommy bila mendengarnya uwaaaaaa.

After I'm saying sorry to him for couple of time.....SN quickly leave his bed, push away all the pillows around me; and put his head on my arm and ask me to hug him. While he was doing so, I promised myself that this 'coming home late at night' thingy won't be too long for him to experienced.


I promised myself to work harder and faster during the 9a.m - 7p.m time period and won't sacrifice the time period that I was supposed to spend with him. I promise u my son that all these will be over soon, it's just another few weeks to go and then this will all be over.

Yes, this I promise you!. 


"I love you so much my son, in a way that I could never love another, not even my own life".


Pssssttt : klu bapak2 yg blk lewat dr univ/workplace, perasaan bersalah kat anak tak sama dengan apa yg mak2 rasa, kan kan kan? Eh ke sama jugak syahdunya? Eh ke mak buyong ni je yg over-emotional?

#posted using Blogger for iPhone#

17 words of wisdom & comments:

Suliana Sulaiman said...

uwaa..sama la kite..lagi perit rasa hati bila tetiba kimi sakit..inilah pengorbanan namanya..

Rai said...

yatie,
ganbare!! mou sukoshii dake! sepanjang i keja boleh kata rarely i balik lambat..everytime mmg sharp pukul 6 je i cabut. walau pun kerja banyak mana sekali pun.. lg pun i mmg purposely cari kerja yg takde requirement wajib ot bagai. my bos pun as long as keja siap ok. bukan tak ada kerja yg gaji lebih baik, tapi i terpaksa reject sbb from time to time kena stay back kadang2 sampai pukul 10-11 mlm..erghh.. no way..9-6 pun da lebih sangat da..

bila la nak dapat jadi full time mmother kan..

Mama Hanim said...

mmg masa dgn family amat bernilai kan. Ambo blk keje dgn anok setiap ptg pun still raso bersalah bila tgk dia tido, rasa x cukup masa je layan dia kalu hari bekerja..

Smp umah kul 6, pastu kena pastikan hanim tido b4 kul 9 kalu hari dia sekolah..

nieda said...

i yg baca ni pun dh syahdu..good luck yatie, tak lama lagi tu

Nurul Izza said...

suddenly my tears starting to falling down. sob sob. Its the same when my husband come back a little late, about 10 pm. My Iman keep asking me .."mom, where 's ayah?" and I reply, 'ayah in his office." and she keep asking me all teh time until she fall asleep. Terharu dan sedih.

Pengorbanan sambung belajar tu bukan semudah yang disangka. Sama je suami atau isteri. Bila melihat suami duk sedih, terkilan dengan projek, dengan research, dengan coursework tp diri sendiri tak mampu untuk buat apa-apa selain berdoa. Itu kadang-kadang menghiriskan hati.

Tambah pula yang si isteri yang belajar, bukanlah semudah yang disangka. Sebagai ibu, pelajar, isteri, tambah kalau tengah pregnant. Moga Allah tambahkan kekuatan dan ketabahan. Sabar.

p.s: oghe sejak akhir2 ni sokmo tubik air mato. baco hok ni lagila tubik. baco sambil tengok anok2 tido tepi ni.

This entry hurt my heart..

ganbatte! hwaiting! pray for you. semoga ALlah mudahkan mana yang susah. ameen

@e_da said...

huhuuuu semoga pengorbanan mu terbalas... ida kalau boleh mmg kul 5 sharp time balik.. tak tahan nak jumpa anak.. tp bila outstation.. ohhh peritnyaaaaaaa

Min Aina Ila Aina said...

Sama tapi tak serupa. Keadaan memaksa saya belajar dari rumah sekarang, tapi rupanya memegang status full time student + full time housewife ni lagi berat.

Kalau dulu pegi lab, tak rasa bersalah bila hantar anak ke pengasuh, tapi sekarang ni anak pun faham yang umi tak pegi sekolah.Jadi dia meragam bila hantar ke pengasuh, siap protest taknak bangun tido lagi.

Bila tengahari suami balik rehat, takkan kita nak ngadap kerja tanpa pedulikan dia ye tak. Nanti petang kocoh-kocoh pulak jemput anak. Harap cepat la dapat adapt dengan rutin baru ni.

Insyallah mommy SN akan dapat kejar deadline dan penuhi janji dengan family. Syukur SN ada daddy di sisi. Daddy SN cuti ke?

☆♥L@dy @yU♥☆ said...

memang mencabar bila jadi student,wife & mom ni kena kesabaran yang kuat...cekal kan hati utk beberapa bulan ni...lepas dah settle semua blh spent time ngan theyols....ai x pernah rasa mcm tue sebab ai selalu ada d umah waiting my heroes ...x per la skrng ni mmg perlukan pengorban sket after this IA back to normal k @.@

Eliss Mie said...

gitu laa kita mak2 ni kan. tak sabar2 nak balik rumah. nanti dah kerja lain pulak halnya.

Aisyuhada said...

lambat 15 minit pun dah tak keruan hati ni. tambahan pulak bila babysitter cakap anak asyik sebut 'mana ibu?'. *nangisss*

all the best to u!

noris said...

i know how u feel! aisyah mula2 lagu tu jgk, lama2 dia faham,, mlm rutin tido dgn ayah. like my husband said, 3-4 bulan je lg macam ni, jgn fikir mcm2. siapkan phd cecepat. sama2 kita bertabah deh yatie...

Ezna said...

memang la kita sebagai ibu yang merasanya....bapak relax ajer...

love live good life said...

i've been there yatie. even worse than that. husband and wife sama2 balik lambat. pkl 10 mlm baru ambik mysara kat taska.tinggal dia sorg je kat taska tu dgn pengasuh. rasa bersalah yg amat2 sgt. sbb tu sanggup resign sbb nak spend time dgn anak2. tak taulah mcm mana bila blk kl nnt. mesti sedih sgt nak tggalkn dieorg :(

transformed housewife said...

insyallah tok lama doh. siap kijo2 Tie. Nanti ado maso nok jago Nazhan & SN junior.

Nadiah Sidek said...

insyaAllah nazhan faham situasi mommy. bukan mommy sengaja balik lambat. semoga urusan yatie dipermudahkan Allah. insyaAllah tak lama dah nak habiskan PhD tu :)

Sidratul Muntaha said...

sapelah tak syahdu klu tak berlaku adil dgn ank2 kan?
budak2 kecik ni la ahli syurga.
klu accident ke kebakaran ke (nauzubillah,
klu depa amti dulu (nauzubillah)..
depa masuk syurga dulu.
kita nih?!
huhuh...
sedih!!!

*haah tie,tu rumah yg dulu2 tu la.tmbh sikit2..alhamdulillah..

Kamalia said...

sebak baca ni..dapat bayangkan camne muka sn bila nampak muka u pagi tu..
Insya ALlah, siki je lagi..lepas ni boleh dah belek2 SN..ganbare!

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