My little boy is now 1 years 10 months 2 weeks old today. In another 1 months and a half, he'll be turning to 2 years old. Wow, I can't believe how fast time has flies, it feels as if I only gave birth to him few days ago!. *OK, tipu!. Saja cakap macam tu sebab nak bagi penyedap ayat, bunyi lebih dramatik gitu eheh*.
But that's the truth though. It's not only me feeling that way, but his daddy seems to have the same feeling to. Especially when he now carry his own bag to his school. The first time that we saw Nazhan wih this bag on his shoulder, it make us realized that "Wow, this little baby of mine has surely grown up!".
Starting from this week, Nazhan got his own bag to carry to school. Every morning he'll be excitedly wearing it on his shoulder and wave goodbye to mommy before heading to school with daddy.
+- budak kecik yang dah 'besar', tersengih2 happy nak pergi sekolah -+
+- budak kecik yang dah 'besar', wave goodbye to mommy -+
It somehow made me feel sad because I don't want my baby to grow up so fast, but the clock is surely ticking fast no matter what I'm wishing for. Bila anak dah besar ni jugak, family and friends akan semakin galak bertanya soalan standard dalam skema sebuah perkahwinan yang memasuki tahun ke-3: "bila nak bagi adik kat dia?. kesian dia main sorang2". Sigh, I wish I have the answer to those question.
These issue has also made me thinking that whether he's ready to be be abang or not. With Nazhan being so attach and clingy with me, I do think that it will be quite difficult for him to handle the situation of having a little brother/sister for the time being. I admit that, I love the smell of little baby but to be honest, I don't think I'm ready to have another baby in the nearest time.
But then, deep down in my heart I do fell the longing of having another baby but I also know that it is not an easy thing to do. Every time I saw little baby, it made me feels like having another one for me too.
But, also every time when I remember how difficult it is to handle baby during the early months of age; it made me feels like; "Aiyarrrkkkk, penat wooo nak jaga baby masa kecik coz he/she were so fragile and you don't really know what he/she want coz they can't tell you directly".
As far as I'm concern with my current status and considering the pressure that I have to deal with to juggle with the responsibilities as a student, wife and a mother; I don't think that this is the right time for an addition of a family member.
However, I do believe that Allah knows the best dan Allah tahu sejauh mana hambaNya mampu menerima ujian yang di berikan. Dalam hati mahu tambah anak secepat mungkin tapi badan dan minda macam tak berapa nak bersedia lagi untuk jadi mommy kepada dua anak dalam masa terdekat ni. *Mungkin tahun depan lepas dah habis PhD; baru boleh fikir projek menambah bilangan anak kottttttt*.
Dalam keadaan sekarang ni yang jauh di perantauan, susah senang kami sekeluarga cuma kami ber-3 yang kena hadapi. Senang cerita, I just follow the flow and let Allah helps me in my life coz He know what's the best for me; far better than I do!.
Pssssstttt: agak sedih sikit perasaan bila rasa anak dah besar, mungkin sebab PMS kot. *having PMS is such a great deal to get some excused when we women are having bad day, aite?*.