Yesterday is mothers day *again* and seems like everyone in the blog-sphere is wishing their mum "Happy Mothers Day". While everybody else are happy to celebrate this special day, I on the other hand am down in the mouth; my heart was filled with melancholy and despondency ; I pose gloomy expressions on my face; and I'm definitely in the state of darkening mood where it made me feel lonely and blue.
Scheiße!. I hate it when I had this kind of feeling as I don't want my depressions to affect hubby & baby SN's feeling as well. To avoid adding up more melancholy emotion to me, I decided not to moan about despair and dismay of losing arwah Ma (*rujuk entry Setahun sudah berlalu, Memoirs of Ma : LHR airport, Memoirs of Ma: Quotes of my family, Friday the 13th dan Mother's Day??) *but instead I should cherished about all the good memories that I have with arwah Ma.
Arwah ma and I shared lots of common in personality and life. Both of us are talkative and loves being in the crowd. But then, we are also the sensitive type of person where we really hates it when people raised their voice towards us. We can easily cries when we watched sad movies/dramas or even while watching konsert Akademi Fantasia ngeeeeeeee. Arwah ma suka merajuk, sebab tu everytime I merajuk she will be the one that can pujuk me beacuse she understands how and what I am feeling.
People acknowledged her skills and ability as a good cook sampaikan everytime ada function kat sekolah dia, arwah ma will be the Chef. I selalu bebel kat arwah Ma sebab masak banyak2 + penat2 but she will just smiled back at me. I know that she really loves to cook good food to others. Though I cant cook as good as arwah Ma, but I definitely shares the same feeling with her as I'm happy when I see others people enjoying the food that I cook.
Both of us enjoy shopping and we could spent several hours of shopping without feeling tired when we were at the mall *bila dah sampai rumah baru rasa penat* hik3x. I ingat lagi masa bulan puasa, arwah ma and I bangun pagi2 bersiap2 untuk menjelajah ke butik2 dan mall searching for raya outfit. End up we spent one whole day to go here and there in order to look for the best and most glamorous raya outfit sampaikan sepupu I jeles sebab umi diorang malas nak keluar shopping lama2 dengan diorang like how arwah Ma did with me.
*arwah Ma (tudung kelabu), mokcik (tudung kuning) & I (tudung biru gelap) caught in act tengah beria shopping*
She always trust my opinion in picking up the best style that suits her. She'll seek for my opinion to choose the right shoe, the perfect dress, the best pattern for kain pasang, the stylish design for her handbag and so on. On the other hand, she was also the best critics for my clothes collections. Setiap kali I beli baby-t atau baju yang agak kecik dan pendek, arwah Ma akan lipat dan letak dalam closet adik I sebab dia cakap "baju ni kecik sangat untuk Tie, bagi kat adik Awin jah" hohohohoho *bila tengah malam, I bangun pergi ambik semula baju2 tu dan letak dalam almari I balik* ekekekeke.
I used to have nightmares and mimpi kena tindih suatu ketika dulu. Whenever I had those bad dreams, I will run to her bedroom and request to sleep with ma and abah. Mind you, I was 17 years old at that time but still arwah Ma will say "yes" to my request and let me sleep with her. So, I akan hampar tilam toto kat tepi katil dan suruh arwah Ma hulur tangan dia untuk I pegang sampai lah I tertidur.
She wont mind if I lay down and put my head on her lap while watching TV in the living room. She'll never complaint about being lenguh or how heavy it is to riba kepala I. She'll let me berebut with adik Awin to hug her while she lay down in the living room. Bila ada kat rumah untuk cuti semester; Pein & I selalu sengaja berebut nak peluk ma dan tolak2 adik Awin away from Ma sambil cakap, " Awin sokmo doh tidur dengan ma". End up, adik Awin akan menangis lepas kena buli dengan kami; last2 dua2 kena marah dengan arwah Ma sebab buli adik hahaha.
Arwah Ma memang manjakan I dan mungkin sebab tu I jadi sangat2 manja dan mengada2 compared to my elder sis, Kak Nur. Masa form 3, she sent me to stay at hostel Bukit Mertajam High School nak dekat2 PMR sebab I tak study kat rumah dan asyik duk menghadap TV je. Budak manja macam I ni memang payah la mula2 nak survive di hostel sebab I am picky with the food that I eat *tak makan pedas, tak makan sayur, nak makan ayam goreng bhgn peha je hari2* huhuhu. So arwah Ma has prepared some meals for me masa mula2 I masuk asrama tu dan hari2 hantar kat I; masa tu I sekolah sessi pagi dan arwah Ma ngajar sessi petang di sekolah yang sama. Bila arwah Ma datang sekolah masa tengahari, she will drop my meals kat hostel lepas tu sebelum balik rumah di sebelah petang, again she has to drop by at the hostel to pick my dirty clothes and bawak balik basuh kat rumah.
Masa I apply untuk sambung Master studies di oversea, I didn't told abah about it because abah had once told me that he wont allow any of his daughter to study abroad if we were still single as there were so many challenges to face by living in the foreign country. Once I've succeeded with my applications and got selected to received the scholarship, I call arwah Ma and ask her to pujuk abah on my behalf. Arwah ma excellently perform her job in that area and abah allowed me to further my studies abroad eventhough I'm still single bujang trang tang tang masa tu. This also explains why everytime I need extra pocket money or whenever I want to buy something or whenever I want to go out with my friends, I'll ask it from arwah Ma and let arwah Ma ask the permissions from abah on behalf of me.. hehehhehe.
*my cousins + Mok Ngoh (tudung putih) + arwah Ma (tudung oren) + adik Awin sending me at the airport for my flight to Madrid*
Dulu2 kalau I tak puas hati dengan arwah Ma, I selalu niat dalam hati yang I takkan buat apa yang arwah Ma buat. Tapi lama kelamaan I realize that kebanyakan perangai I memang sama sebijik dengan arwah Ma. I selalu bengang bila arwah Ma start membebel untuk kejutkan I bangun tidur but bila arwah Ma dah takde, I yang lebih2 lagi membengangkan adik2 dengan suara-pelakar-bak-halilintar-memecah-bumi-sampai-seluruh-penduduk-Kg Jal Besar boleh dengar suara I yang nak kejutkan adik2 teruna tu untuk bangun dari tidur eheh.
Though it has been almost 2 years since she left this world, I still missed her badly. She truly inspires me to provide lots of love to people around me so that they will always remember me even when I've left this world. Arwah Ma has set the best example of how great influence a mom can gives in their child's life. Now I myself should gives undying love and tender loving care to baby SN so that he'll loves me as much as I love arwah Ma. Recalling about the sweet memories that I've built with arwah Ma in the past can help me to light up my feelings and somehow it manage to made me smile again.
Psssssssssstttt : Happy Mothers Day to my MIL; Umi and thanks a lot for giving birth and to brought up such a wonderful man in my life. That wonderful man a.k.a darling hubby has give me a really nice present for this mother's day ngeeeeeeeeee *sengih sampai telinga*.